Episode 1 Chapter 5

Regrets

It's been a while (or should I say, it's been almost 2 years now) since I haven't updated my blog. A lot of things have happened already (Honestly, I don't know how to continue my story)

After I had my first CD4 count (May 2012). I never went back to SLH and never made any follow-up with my doctor. (If you're a POZ, normally you should go back after 6 months to get the latest CD4 cell count). I felt well and believed that I am healthy. I thought I had no OI's (Opportunistic Infections) yet, and I know that my CD4 is still normal. Well, that's what I thought.

When I learned that I got infected with the virus, it was hard for me to accept it. I still kept on doing unhealthy lifestyle like joining drinking sessions, eating unhealthy foods and sleeping late at night. Since I work in the morning, I have plenty of time to go out with my friends and officemates after my shift. I was so depressed and don't know who can help me ease the pain. Maybe that's the reason why I didn't take care of myself. I almost cry everyday and think of what  had happened. I even have thoughts of ending my life. I still don't know who infected me or where did I get this virus. 

I started looking for people whom I can talk to. I searched and read blogs of different POZ. I was able to talk to one POZ guy who happens to be a nurse. He was so nice and we exchanged emails. He then asked me to create a Twitter account so I can talk to other POZ as well. On that day, I created a Twitter account and started to follow him. I found out that there's a lot of poz in Twitter and I started talking to some of them. Things now started to change and gradually, I'm learning to accept it.

I realized, being POZ is not the end of everything. Life must go on and I can still live a normal life. I started to be more careful to my body. I even signed up for a 1 year gym membership so I can be more healthy.